Let's say I have a coworker named Frank. Frank has a boss. There's also this little asian girl I'm going to call Karen because there's a rule that all small Asian girls are named Karen. And since all Asian girls are small except for Margaret Cho, they're almost all named Karen including the one in my story, who is really not even that relevant.

So Karen and I were talking about work stuff and Frank's boss walks up. Oh, I guess she's relevant, since otherwise I would've been just talking to myself. Ok enough build up, here's the conversation.

Frank's Boss: Why aren't you making Frank harder?
Me: What?
Frank's Boss: Why, aren't yooooouuu, making Frank harder?
Me: Ummm...
Karen: Yeah why aren't you making him harder?

Karen giggles. I look at Frank's Boss with a furrowed brow. Karen is smiling her goofy smile with teeth in desperate need of some crest whitening strips.

Frank's Boss: Oh, I mean why aren't you making Frank WORK harder.
Me: Ok yeah, that's something entirely different.

And really, shouldn't Frank's boss be the one making Frank harder, not me?

So sit on your ass pounding egg nogg waiting until the last minute before buying all of your family gift cards!

My girlfriend made this for us:

Don't forget to send us one of those gift cards!

peace&love,
lazyJ

I'd watch this.

You should all appreciate that we dumb down our spelling and grammar just for you.

We've been lazy writers. Writers? Nah, posters. What we do here can hardly be called writing. In any case I realized that the picture of lazyJ grabbing his junk had been the latest post for entirely too long, so I'm writing this up when I should be at work already. Here goes.

I like cats. I like cats more than dogs. There, I said it. I like dogs too, but I'm sorta lazy and I really appreciate an animal that instinctively will shit in a box of litter.

There's a lot of internet fads that I could really do without. For a month Gabe wouldn't stop talking about Chocolate Rain, and Nick had it as his ringtone. There was that dude crying in a video to leave Britney alone, which hurt my ears and my belief in humans in general.

So what's one internet fad I do like? Lolcats. You know, those pictures of cats with some witty misspelled caption. If my cat had one, her caption would be "I'm in ur cobwebz, eatin ur spiderz." And what's better than a lolcat than a Lolcat Bible! It's the bible, translated into lolcat language. And to get you started, the Ceiling Cat = God.

Here's a couple of translations for ya.

John 3 Regular:
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

John 3 Lolcat:
16 So liek teh Ceiling Cat lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u my only son and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?'
17 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat not snd hiz son 2 take all yur cookies, but so u cud maek moar cookies 4EVAR!"

Matthew 3 Regular:
13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.
14 But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"
15 Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented.

Matthew 3 Lolcat:
13 Den Jesus caem from Gallalee, to has baptizm from John.
14 But John was all "Ur doin it rong, j00 needz to baptize me"
15 And Jesus answered sayin "STFU and baptize me n00b" and John did.

Man, Jesus definitely needs to say "STFU" more.

For the third year in the row, ReaddyEddie has graciously sent in a Halloween picture of his friend Jen. She's cool with it, or so he says. I have to say this year's costumes are the best yet.

Eddie & Jen, Halloween 2005

Jen, Halloween 2006

And now, Eddie and Jen, Halloween 2007!

Eddie didn't like his expression in the photo, so I pumpkinized him. Sorry Eddie I was working late last night, if I had more time I would've used a better pumpkin.

Jen, you should probably go out with Eddie. He seems like a good guy. If that doesn't work out though, give Tom a ring - I hear he likes big hats.