It's been said before that as you get old you regress back to your newborn self as you lose your independence and need people to care for you more and more. I think this is definitely true. I've lived in Austin for 7 years now, and my dad just now decided that he could take time out of his busy half-retired-working-three-days-a-week schedule to visit me for the weekend. He was here for 3.7 days, and yes, I calculated the .7 because I needed to figure out how long I should have had my dad visit, which was precisely 17 minutes. He's great, he's just old. He looks sort of like Greenspan but with white whispy hair, which is basically how all old white guys look to me. For those that don't already know, my dad is white, I'm yellow, and the reason is "it's complicated."

Things about my dad, some that I already knew and many that I just learned:

- My dad does that annoying thing where he tries to follow you too closely. You know what I'm talking about - everyone knows that one guy that tries to walk behind you and a little to the side, but he always follows too close. So the moment you stop, say for a car, he runs into you. It doesn't matter how cool you're walking past the cute girl on the sidewalk when you've got your dad nipping at your heels like an untrained puppy.

- I was a smart ass as a kid and it used to piss the hell out of my dad. I'm still a smart ass, except I think he's slowed down to the point he doesn't realize what a smart ass I'm being. On the plus side now I can mouth off and not get grounded.

- My dad tells really uninteresting stories and likes to pause while he tries to remember irrelevant details. Was it 1961? 1962? I wanted to tell him that since I wasn't alive yet, in the grand scheme of his 5 minute story on rat snakes it didn't matter exactly what year he met his army buddy Chuck. Unless maybe Chuck was eaten by a rat snake, but even so it would suffice to say "before you were born." And you know what else is great? I think I have his knack for telling uninteresting stories.

- When you're all chinkified like me (aka Chinese for those of you that aren't chinkified), and your dad is all wonder bread white, people look at you a little funny. Or maybe you're just more self conscious about hanging out with your dad. For some reason girls with hot fangs at shoe stores, girls with sharp features serving you barbeque, and cute girls with formerly bad complexions serving you texmex smile at you more. I haven't figured this one out yet. Maybe it's just all in my head as I'm half a year from 30 and everyone I know that doesn't write for Flattire.org is already married. wtf?

- My dad doesn't watch TV so much as stare at it. He zones out a lot, just like I....what was I talking about? Anyways my dad seems oblivious to everything around him except women my age which is a little disturbing. There were more than a few "Man! Did you see the boobs on that girl!" comments. And of course I did see the boobs on that girl, and had thought that they were fantastically oversized in a way that would be great fun now but seriously disappointing after a few more years of their futile battle with gravity. But that would be ok, because I'm not shallow like that and besides her ass was smoking. My dad then confirmed my ass assessment with his wide eyed, mouth slightly agape stare. Smooth dad, smooth. No wonder I'm so good with the ladies.