I hate you.

When you drag your feet past my cubicle 50 times a day I want to trip you and then watch you fall face first and swallow your own teeth.

When I answer your question and only receive back a blank stare and then realize you're so stupid you didn't even understand your own question, I want to file your head in one cabinet and the rest of you in another.

When you say something stupid and follow it up with that stupid smile and that goose honking of a laugh, I want to staple your damn bill together with the giant 200 page stapler in the copy room since a regular swingline won't be able to hold your trap together.

When you complain about how hard you're working because it's the first day this month you've actually been here 8 hours, I want to introduce your face to the inside of your monitor.

When you send an email out to everyone with completely wrong information in it that you say WE decided on but really you just pulled out of your ass, I want to introduce your fingers?to the paper cutter so you'll never be able to abuse email again.

When you come to ask me the same question for the fifth time about something you should already know and force me to smell the lunch on your breath, I want to pour a costco sized bottle of listerine down your throat and then smack you with the empty container. The bottle will make an empty ringing noise and I can only assume your head will as well.

You know how echoes on the phone are annoying? Well when you repeat what i say as I'm saying them with a 1 second delay, the real life echo you create makes me want to rip your tongue out, crap on it, and then put it back in your mouth. I'd then give you a Mike Tyson style uppercut so that you can literally have a shit eating grin.

Dear coworker, I hate you.